Hi blog!
it feels like heaven. No college yahoooo!!! 1 week break! i know it is not much but still i SEriOUSLY need a break from all the stress i have been through hw, assignments blah blah blah...but thats not the point!
This few days striked me, it caused me in a dilemma of my bestfriend ( in the process since we just knew wach other since the beginning of ausmat so i assume we r besties know) -.-
Lets put her name as S..hahaha S is a malayalee and she is a really nice sweet girl. there are a lot of common stuff between us. Our ambition, cousin problems hehehe, personality spm results :( and almost forgot our schedule. So basically she and me are always together since all...i REPEAT ALL!!! our class is the same. I thougth everything was fine infact she was better than my previous few besties..until i feel now.
Well recently she told me she hooked up with this guy.. well that is not the matter! Then she activated her fb account and most of the students who didnt add me before added her including the guy that i thought liked me before!!! i know this may sound stupid but i think i am jealous of her. She beats me in grades and she has a lot of friends who always posts imy on her wall and such... and the guy who is in the same eng class as me added her and started to communicate with her through fb!!!
i screwed up my semester 1 especially maths! i was so frustrated and dissapointed when i checked my marks on black board! i got 27 % and she got 42% i was pissed off....i dont know i tried controlling feeling and sometimes i feel i am the villain and being an underdog for her. i was so angry all my maths investigation i got so low and she got so high... i even told her i did not know how to do as it was very tough and so she also said the same thing...and then it turns out to be she completed it and i unfinished. I borrowed her paper during eng as it was a bit free period..n she only let me to copy 1 fucking question and took the paper away with the excuse of she dont know how to do 2 minor part question..maybe i am not the villain after all!!!
And when i complain about my marks she consoles me and she even checked my marks on the blackboard based on my birthday date...she did not tell me directly but i know it when she told she checked for my other friends!!! and the guy that i am interested to be friend with just does not seem to be attracted at all..i went googling for same situation..and the advise i got was you should socialize / flash a smile/ talk to your friend let her knw how you feel -.- but that is so not easy to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the guy is stuck up for a reason...i tried socializing but he instead focusses on S and dont even say a hi to me...i feel so dead bc of S i am dreading to go college and sick of her beating my ass of in every subject.. i feel neglected by few of them. I am friendly and infact both of us are preety...i am stylish and always up to date and S dresses more simple and has a sweet look and yet she attracts more guys and other ppl including lecturers!!!!!!
even my lecturers calls my group as S by her name.... -______-
and also when i arrive she is no more in the canteen she hangout with her friends in student centre...dont even give a damn to me...i know she was an interactor, prefect, top blah blah blah but i dont like her attitude sometimes or maybe coz i am jealous like my sis said...
i gotta stop comparing myself in terms of beauty, intelligence, attraction, popularity...but i cant and i dont want our friendship to be affected!!!!
i know those who read this ( if there are???) may feel that i am a very envious person/ full of jelousy / hatred/ egoistic blah blah blah idc and i dont give a damn coz right now i am in a serious dillema i feel like running away frm her...avoid her..but without her i will not have any1 ever!!!!!!! maybe being alone is good...they always say i am a loner...and the believe that 5 attracts ppl are just shit!!!!!!!!
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