LOVE OR LUST?

dear blog,

i am confused as ever as always. People say follow my instinct and heart but they are themselves confused. I love P and also S. But at the same time i think i am using S its called infatuation/lust. i M using S as an excuse to overcome P. I love P i mean he smokes and drinks and a bit of ego..i mean stop smoking is not easy right? and he drinks when there are occasion i guess because its normal for teens to drink now ><

   S doesnt even make an effort to talk to me or even add me in facebook :( so that clearly shows he is not interested in me. He dont even want to talk to me! :( infact he has my friends number!!! but yeah i cant be angry bc my friend is d gedik type and of course she is in the same tsyn as them and of coz get along with guys well...tat is y i am jealous with her sometimes -_______-

I mean she is mean to me at times too :/ like not giving her hw!!!!! okay fine forget it..but P went for camp so he is not online only will be back on sunday!!!! bored a bit he dont have...i mean i cant possibly be with P he smokes + drinks+ my mum doesnt like him.. he is an engineer btw.

where else S is good as far as i can see friendly, ppl likes him, smart, + he wants to study medicine just like me..but durrr he is smart!!!!! i am not ..my maths suck okay...and my name was nicely shown on the LCD one of the lowest but i am not the lowest hellooo but thanks to the teacher..she stopped the data until my name so ppl think i m the lowest :((((((

okay i think i should go to bed,,,tired already 1 am!!!

confused

dear blog,
i think i start to miss him...oh dear how can i forget him.this is tough.he didnt cm online and i feel so lonely!!!!
 
s my friend asked me all those bio work..shit should have wrote on fb if i had finished it!!! crap!!!!!!
 everyone is basically asking me how to do!?!
its not like i dont want to help them but hello its my masterpiece of 12 hrs!!! :'(
 well surprising thing THE GUY I LIKE S friend added me N ....i said thanks for the add he liked the post and didnt comment anything...i was like okay so he is not friendly he likes my friend S!!!! Then i saw his post he deleted my comment!!!!!!!!!!! wtf..bugger.........i decided i not gonna talk to tat bugger in college oso..but ts not only my comment also his previous status he deleted! jackass to the max!!!

i feel insecured this days :(((((

Untittled for now...

Dear blog,
   i actually thought of writing today but screw it. I was looking forward today especially at night where P will chat with me until 1 in the morning. Normally when i am on fb he will also be there but now i am in fb but he is nowhere to be found. I think i feel empty and lonely without him despite just communicating through fb!!! i think i love him. But my sis said careful he smokes and drinks but i cant help it i mean i like him!!!!

 and he told me he didnt mean to smoke he is just stress. anyway i saw him posting about his status using i phone lol this means that he is not online!!!!!!! suck man i thought he can chat with me..

 he says daym.!!! what a day!!! i guess he must have gone to PD enjoying himself there!!! and this friday to 31 he is going to the camp!!!!!!!!!! arrrgghhh he wont be there!!!! on fb!!! shit!!!

      but look on the bright side i might not get distracted!!! i actually think i should avoid him..he chatted with me 2 days in a row and yesterday when ending the chat he said hugs and kisses !!!!!!!

        i think he likes me...but then...then....how can i change him to be a better person!!! and what if i am wrong what if he is a player!!!!!!!!!!! or he thinks me only as his friend since childhood!!!!!!! :((((((

    panicking to d max..well i will offline soon i think he is not here :'( kk bye

bye blog :(

Why is this happening to me?

Dear blog,

   Its so difficult for me to carry out my life. I need someone who i can share my feelings with! my bestfriend but they are all to busy + i dont think they wish to hear my stories..Truthfully i think i dont have a best friend!!!!!!!!! :( this saddens me! my sisters dont wish to hear my feelings. today P put on a status and i asked my sisters opinion n whether i should comment but they just said up to u!!!! and my youngest sis said you r being so flirty!!!!!!!!!! it feels so painful when she said that! they dont want to listen to my thought and life they dont even care. Whenever i said could u pls snap pics of me oso they dont want!

 scolding me like shit...what the damn fucking wrong is with them!!!! the laat time i commented and P commented was on thursday!!!! and now its sunday..........i feel bad extremely bad and worthless..my parents dont approve of him. I think its better for me to keep quiet but i cant help it :,( i seriously cant

    those movies about best friends are just shit!!!!!!!!! nothing in this world has ppl like tat...i have friends who r being bitches!!!!!!!!! it feels so down!!!!!!!! i feel lifeless and forever hidden in this purple scarf!!!!!!!

      i need to release this scarf! and expose myself but i just dont know how! my relationship with my sisters r getting bad! and worst we fight a lot since my holiday!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forbidden love

 Its clear to me now that i must forget P. Today we had a great time in parkson. Shopping! mum had so many vouchers to be used. After that, we had tea in Pizza hut. I lost my appetite i mean i told my maid i found out that there is this guy G remember the one i met in my cousins hs. okay then my mum suddenly came up with the topic of guys. She started with nowadays P disturbs u right? and i said how mum u knw? and she didnt replied. instead she said his mum is a bitch!!! his mum doesnt like my mum. At that very instance i know P is no good for me at all. I lost appetite! :( i know i am in pain because i love him. i couldnt even sleep. According to ppl i read in google it says its probably infatuation. I feel in pain. My love is forbidden i got to stop liking him going on facebook and stuff perhaps not going on fb for few days...i feel that u know i might juz be single forever lol haha...u might think i M a nut and my mum is overprotective but i understand..she probably had a bad past with his mum. But is it that bad? and worst of all i decided to draw lots and my heart asked to pick that paper but instead i picked another paper saying NO he is not yours! hmmm

             i should ignore him right? but how i really like him..but our love is forbidden and i dont know he probably does not think of me much like how i think of him...... probably he is a player and bad! i know u must say hey girl move on!!!!!!! but pls its always easier to say rather than experiencing yourself...

      probably he might chat with the girl who has the same name as me... Go hook up..i dont care (trying not to care) aaaaaarrrggghhh!!!

    this sucks!!!!!! why must he cm into my life. i should have blocked him on fb when he added me first!!!!! and my friend should have thought it is me!!!!!!!!! why god?!??!!!! is this a test for me? or are you asking for my help to change him or to give me love so that i can experience it?!? tats it!!! its all gonna change now..i wont reply and not much of message!!!or status on fb!!!!!! THIS LOVE IS FORBIDDEN AND WILL REMAIN!!!!!!!!! :'(((((((( i feel like crying omg i already am in my heart!!!!

I must control and stop this love! :'(

Greetings readers,
so many thing have changed for the past 2 days. P talked to me i mean comment via fb. Its really nice. On top of that all those guys who i didnt talk to added me and started to talk -___- its not like i hate it bt its just that i am not in the mood. Yesterday i was talking to this guy by the name of G..i met G in my cousins hs..and he completely forgot about it he dont rememba me at all!!!! bt screw it.then i had a notification P we should meet up..i was flattered and shock this means he really like me right??!???!???!??? i dont know or was it a friendly thing? OMG i was sweating + panicking n this is juz on the computer i havent meet him in person!

 anyway i knw tat will b impossible to meet him. what the hell am i gonna say to my parents i m meeting a friend?!? i mean they will investigate who i m going with name and they practically knws my friends are girls....no guy friends that i hang out with except 1 but that is a totally different story!!! on top of that my maid she will suspect.. she is good at it..my sis can keep a secret.i mean that is what sisters r for right?!?

        i like P i mean i think i m starting to develop feelings for him. i couldnt sleep worst i cant even sleep.his face n me are popping in my head most of the time! i must stop this feeling i m controlling it but i really cant..no wonder ppl say LOVE IS BLIND! so irritating my mum hates his mum n she thinks that P and his sis used to talk big of themselves last time. But i am stuck in the middle
 i liked it when his hair was that macho kinda hairstyle compared to now..he cut it short like to d max makes him look like a gangster! ishh hate this feeling
i think i m gonna keep quiet ..oh yeah i didnt continue...then my answer to him was i didnt have a car so i cannot meet him.. and he said he is also in the same situation. I dont know how true is that :/ probably he is just dissapointed bc i couldnt meet him but that is totally true i cant possibly meet him or else! i will be minced meat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i got to stop got to got to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i guess i m not gonna comment or say anything!!!!!

What is wrong with me? i hate love remember!!!

Greetings from the gul in d purple scarf :),

    I know something is wrong with me! really wrong ! i am trying to forget P! i tried i promise i even didnt go on fb for like a day!!!!! Nowadays i dont feel like sleeping. my mind says so but not my heart! :'( i think i have insomnia :( or i am in love..pls i listen to love songs until the early hrs in d morning..i think i am in love with P not S!!! my sis said i am only using S as an excuse to avoid P...

  i kinda agree with her in that point i dreamt of S with my friend !!!!! so u kinda got the picture.i am avoiding P but he is the one writing on my wall! :((((((((((((( and then we have a short convo and then he dissapears!!!!!! omg what is wrong with me :(((((((( i knw he dont want to make it so obvious but i really cant read him i cannot ready his mind n his heart..he is behind his screen durrr!!!!!!!

whats wrong with me..he is not good for me according to my maid..my sis supports..the only way to get rid of him is by hooking up with S!!! but how is that possible..we hardly talk and now i am in break another 1 week to go!!!!! and what if S has A girlfriend!!!! i got to forget P no matter what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pls forget him forget him

   he said he is in a heartbreak :( tat means??????!!!!!!//??@%^&(($%@&#^!(*@&!(@& omg i really dono what the crap am i doing right now..haizzz k bye gtg :(


i am obviously emoing right now :( @#$%^&()!

WHATS WRONG WITH HIM? OR IS IT JUST ME???

 i have got to confess i think i like P!!! I tried controlling it avoiding him but i just cant. always when i log in fb i expect him to reply and when he dont my heart is in pain! I feel sad and stressed out D:

   when he replies i feel over excited and when it is just a short convo i feel sad..

today he posted on my wall with sister...n i sad bro how r u?
and he said i am fine

(tats all!!!!!!!!!) and then no questions no reply no comment nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i seriously want to talk to him but its just that i dont know i cant i guess my mum hates him...n i think i have a crush on S..the only way to forget him is to get another bf?!?!? n my target is S but S likes me or not..he gave me that smile but he could be friendly tho :/

i got to forget him no matter what!!!!

emoing this days :(

Things have changed :/

Greetings readers,

  P changed. He is now bald (i didnt know he took it seriously) or perhaps he just want to be bald thats all! Well i have decided i am so gonna avoid him. Actually i started to avoid him because i feel that he is not the right guy he drinks beer at the age of 19! i mean who r u kidding? at the age of 19??? and i definitly will not want to show my parents this type of guy. So not decent the naughty type..! btw he probably started flirting with other girls! the girl which has the same name as me! but guess what i am starting to forget him tats it...i dont give a damn! but i like him a bit still :/

tats all i will want to say tats all for now. It is paining to see cause he also didnt talk to me at all like avoiding me to the maximum :( i feel sad at times okay basically most of the time :( guess i will always be the girl in the purple scarf always :(

CAUSE YOUR HOT AND COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WARM GREETINGS FROM THE GIRL IN THE PURPLE SCARF :)

 Well obviously i am either excited or emoing.Its both actually! :'(

Okay P posted on my wall.LAME AGAIN!!! he asked whether i knew this unknown guy.I mean i dont give a damn! i cant even remember P on top of that that guy!!! Then somehow the convo continued until he asked for my number!!!!! ;) yes i know..he asked then i gave and we exchanged numbers. sO I HAVE THIS STRONG FEELING THAT HE LIKES ME!!

it all stopped until the next morning. I couldnt sleep at all thinking of this. I slept at 2 okayyyyyyy..listening to my sis music!!! hindi +tamil love songs 2 songs repeating and repeating!i m in love i guess

  So the next morning he said he was sick and i said get well soon and he replied thanks darling.. i Was FLATTERED!!! until another girl wished and he said darlz too!!!!! omg i think i am overestimating!!!!!!!

 i was wrong!!! my sis told the truth.he calls every girl the same darling!!!!!!! i just found out. i was dissapointed and frustrated all the time :(((( so sad to the max!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Then after that we commented in d evening...the convo went on and i think i said haha and was sarcastic and he didnt replied until now!!!!!!!!!!! my sis said the convo was mean..but i dont think so..i mean i talk to girls like that what is the difference with guys??? i mean guys r also sarcastic..that is why i think he simply gave up talking to me!!! :( :( i dont care now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -_______________- i give up i m just gonna shut my mouth and gap!!!!!!!tats it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he keeps on changing his mind!!!
 you change ur mind like a gul changes clothes
u PMS like a ***** !!!!!!!!!!
n the lyric continues..this suits me to the max!!!!!!!
 well other than that..my teacher's son chatted with me..so weird!!! he does not talk to me at all other than facebook. i mean i hate to talk to him!!! after this random guy said i was staring at him..for heaven sake i was looking at the window not him!!!! but anyway he has a gf so not worried hahaha!!! he is good actually i guess better than P!!! *so emo right now* my love story is so complicated! no clue nothing!!!!!just shit and me stuck to solve the problem!!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( :(              
       
       i m sooo gonna try forget about P and other a**holes!!!!!!!!!!!!! tats it

sorry i m seriously emoing right now!!!!!!!! coz i think my sis r fed up of hearing to my stories.sometimes i feel like they r not hearing n i am talking to the wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! btw i m playing ashley tisdale song *its alright its okay* this song suit me to the max!!!!!!!!

 Love,
Gul in the purple scarf ;)

Confused about love!

Greetings from girl in the purple scarf :)

  I just checked P's profile today. He was having a conversation with the gul who has the same name with me. It was obvious the girl was flirting -___- and probably he too or normal i DONT KNOW!!! i seriously feel so scared that i might lose him :(

  But then, i seriously feel that he could be a jerk who flirts with the girls and a major player!!! i mean i dont know he could be a bad choice to me or even he just thinks that i am his friend. He started avoiding me these days like never even like the status and comment. I thought i was the only one person he did like that. But it turns out to be that he did the same towards the other girl who has the same name like me! it seems his reason was he didnt see her online. I mean what kind of LAME excuse is that???

        I feel dumb right now!!! then i showed my maid about the guy S that i had a crush with in maths class... well he is a hottie hot hottie!!!! like absolutely. The girls really like him but he seem nice, decent and smart too :) but he didnt speak to me in person. He knows my friend S too (female one) so he spoke to her and even have her number. I seriously envy this..so annoying!!!! but i understand cause they were friends before tuition mates!!! haizzz why is life so complicated to the max????

 S is nice but i really dont know much about him :( i dont know whether he has a girlfriend or not? i mean i dont know!!! perhaps he has...his whole gang has girlfriend how come he does not right? Unless he is seriously innocent! :'(

 I am so confused right now..Like no one likes me i mean the guys...they probably do but i dont knw. they are just not the type who fight for the girl. More like the give up type!!!! its not like in movies. In reality it is different shit!!!!!!!!! the guy flirt and the girl flirts and thats it they be together and break up and the cycle continues..
 I hate love thats all i would just wanna say... I mean take for example the girl that has almost the same name with me!!!!! she changes her boyfriend all the time...from all different races :(
  I feel emo now.. perhaps i should go for now!!! BYE :'( :( -_____-

Why is he avoiding me in facebook???!!!

  Greetings from girl in the purple scarf :'(

I m feeling so down these days. Dont really know what is wrong with me? what is wrong in my head.my heart is in pain.seriously pain. I have been listening to all those emo-ing hindi songs. Kyu phoolon ke and Ore piya.

Reason?
 Well of course..its because of P!!! Who else??? he avoids me NOWADAYS!!!! every status that i post in facebook he will definetly like it like non- stop. He doesnt really give a damn about me anymore. That day he chatted and we talked nicely. He even flirted with me in certain occasion like calling me darling twice. Lately, its been 2 days... he didnt even like anything my status or even comments!!! WHY? I stalked his profile like all the time...!!! ikr i m obsessed i hope not like seriously not! he always online but i dont know why he just avoids me.
I have been posting funny statussed almost 20 ppl liked it which never even happen in my life of facebook! but now he avoids me in facebook...absolute avoidance. And when i checked his profile wall. His friend comment was like she is sooo hot!!! :/ i dont even know who is that??? who??? could it be me? OR NOT!!! :'( Life sucks right now to the max!!
 i DONT EVEN KNOW WHO!!! THEN he avoids me like until now. BITCH!!! HE AVOIDS ME!!! HE FLIRTED WITH ME AND MOVED ON TO ANOTHER GIRL WHO IS MY FRIEND ALMOST SAME IN A WAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Bitch why are guys always like that. Playing with a girls feeling? whenever i am online he is then he goes offline! is he testing me or something?

He likes all my friends status which confirm that her status is sooo emoing (those angry ones)!!!!!!!! why?????????????????????? he such a major player!! i GUESS :( it feels so pain...and just a few seconds i went into fb and he is offline and so does my friend! really sad like to the max! he even changed his status from divorced into in a relationship! and so called my friend just broke up with her boyfriend ( well she always changes so picky) =.=

 I mean now i really like him and this is how he repays me! okay fine probably u will think move on let him go..oohh what the fuck! you wont understand if u are in my shoes!!! well perhaps i should! perhaps i will just say hi and see how it goes!!!

  maybe he wants to see i am gonna talk to him or not? or he doesnt like me anymore! like totalleh! :[
why is this happening...should i...talk to him or let it be..let him talk to me or see him progress??? i really have no idea..screw my life!! even my sister is experiencing this ignorance from friends syndrome!!! my sis and her friend except that hers is just friendship problem! mine is more personal and most important heart!!!

    maybe guys are just worthless for me, Ishould have just followed what my mum had said and everyone has been saying! i will never find my prince charming at all! like never! there is no such thing as prince charming on a horse cmg to sweep u off the feet *background music taylor swift love story* its more like *back to december*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 Well toodles from girl in the pirple scarf..screw him up!!!! bitch!!!!!!!

Love is in the air

Remember the childhood friend??? i actually thought he was a major playa!! but i feel that i am in love with him like to the max haha..love is really blind. Today i was on fb and guess what i didnt post any status as i thought he would reply and make it obvious that i liked him. I decided to give a break. Then suddenly p posted on my wall...!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :) :) :0 :) ;) ;) he was bored etc we commented like for 20 mins and i decided to go as i dont want to be too clingy and stuff :) i love him but what if he thinks i am his friend? and nothing more despite our parents correction my parents may not like him *does not like him!!!!!! but i really do love him :) i wanna him to be my boyfriend :( but i am so not sure what if he doesnt love me and accepts me as a friend Y is LIFE SO ComPLIcATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maths WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!

   My major problem is maths.I just dont know why i dont seem to understand it at all like to the max! My friend S is smart at it.Complain only but still could do. Today teacher gave back our paper (the first test for semester 2) -__________- i know i did not understand! i prayed hard to god but of course i know God Almighty did not help me. Is it me or why is God not helping me these days!!!! :'( i feel like crying. I feel so humiliated its like i am the lowest in my class for ausmat maths. Okay perhaps not lowest but weaaaker students in maths. I dont really blame Miss.S despite hating her teaching -.- but i feel that i just dont get the concept but actually we had done it before :( i feel so stupid. Can u imagine what would have happen if i fail maths and chem??? Thats it! my future dreams,hope and lot of stuff will be down the drain. I will bring disgrace to the family. I really regret it. So far my dad is thinking that i am okay in my studies and the spm marks was a mistake! Am i experiencing a bad 7 years? i feel dumb!!!!!!!!

  The guys in my maths class doesnt seem to show interest in me probably coz i am dumb! S is like smart and intelligent and loves chemistry. Before this i used to think that we have lots of stuff in common! but actually an absolute NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Test 4 is next week.Worst scenario it involves probabilty!!!!! distribution...1 thing is Miss S decided to reduce the weightage as she found that most of us did badly for the test -________- @_@
 so out of 5% i got 1.25% :((((((((((((((

       i seriously had no mood today! i went to pyramid ate Nandos with S and avoid this guy by the name of K cause he has a serious crush on S and S finds him annoying!!! S is really perfect everything in her hand...her boyfriend,whole guys going after her like the whole gang in maths class..1 of them are hot, excelling in studies ,loves chem, absolutely could enter doctor any uni ..whereas i feel so dumb!!!!!!!!!!! maybe i am jealous..but she is really a nice person!

THE VIBE!

Hi!
  Well yesterday i was so sad emoing much until the night where i post up a status. As soon as i posted up i straight closed my fb didnt want to b dissapointed until my sister told me that he replied!!!!!! YES P replied!!!! I was extremely happy!
    Absolutely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then we chatted commented..it took about 2 -3 hours. The time passed really fast. I think i really do like him but i dont really know about his feelings. I could feel the vibe that he likes me too or maybe just friendly.Why is life so complicated yet simple. SHIT!!!
  
  I probably really like him. But as i chatted i really find that he could be bossy and berlagak. Is it normal for guys to act like that? It is exactly what my mum had said. My mum always said that he, his sis used to talk big of themselves. There are kinda lot of common stuff between us actually...bUT let say if something happens can i change him or even resist him can i avoid him???? i dont know. I Prayed today i leave everything to god!!
I mean i really wanna feel what is it like to be in a relationship. But what if he doesnt like me? It is not easy to express our love to someone. But i really dont know!!!!!!! i am confused! so confused! what if he only wants a girlfriend and not love! what if he doesnt love me for who i really am but instead external factors such as wealth!!! i MEAN I have a feeling that he might know my house has a swimming pool and fish pond... U get the picture when someone knows this.i Dont really wanna tell ppl that i am silver spoon fed but in love is a different thing.what if he is a player and we oni know each other through fb apart frm our childhood times!!!
         
          right now i am confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -_____________-

EMO AGAIN

  Love sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is this happening to me??? why?? why??
  All this while i thought he liked me..he flirt with me by calling me darling :) i was so happy then extremely!!!!!!!
  i though this is it..this is the guy i liked!!!!!!! until he did not RESPOND TO ME!!! it started of with my status!!!!!!
   I was on facebook when i decided to copy paste a status! He commented and i too until i asked him didnt he have class.. and he said nope until october darling :) and my heart just beat fast and faster i think i love him...nope i really love him...he was my childhood friend for heaven sake!!!!!
        But then i decided to upload more of my pics and another status.He didnt comment or said anything instead he avoids me until now. I feel so stupid!!! checking facebook all the time with the excuse of listening to music. I am seriously not a facebook freak but because i like him i am now in order to check whether he responded to me or not!!!!!
    I dont want to do the first move..he should!!! i cant even star a convo based on his status bc his status is basically nothing much!!! i liked him n i thought he liked me too but instead he just avoids me now!!!!!!! i even tried googling why guys avoid girls after they flirt according to google guys have mood swing or perhaps he is a player! or he wants me to do the first move! but he really seems like a nice guy plus a bit of pervertness!!! :( he recently went to watch a movie when he posted pics of him with his friends and a poster of a women. They touched the boops and butt (i mean in the picture) lol. HE also started to chat with a girl with the almost same name as me but she has a boyfriend. I really am pretty but why cant i be involved in love. I am ready but why didnt he continue try talking to me? love? is crap!!!
     I told my maid except the part that he called me darling -___-  my maid told my mum and my mum said she doesnt want if i get married to him -___- she doesnt like his mum!!!!!!! but how i really do like him. i know probably u would think move on!! but its not easy! and probably u would say he is not interested in u !!! its such a pain thing

  Looks like my life is sooo purple...for a while i experience love and the next is like shit!!! FML (FUCK MY LIFE) :'( I M CRYING IN MY HEART NOW!!! :'( :'( :'( :'(