i dont understand guys!!!!!

Dear blog,
i am in a dilemma again. my exams are coming soon i am stressed up about it and also about guys. P seems happy with his gf okay. i get it i am forgetting him i can resist my urge for fb...but why is he liking all my status or post that i put up!!! i mean it often confuse me. i know he is my friend that i had since 14 years lost contact and now i got to know each other again. but i never like his status or pictures always avoiding!!! then why the fuck is he confusing me?!? OKAY FINE IGNORE P

Next is K. K called me and we finally talked. he called me 3X a day and such and we often chat then i think i fell for him...why the heck is my heart involved in everything when its job is to pump blood!!! i mean GOD why are u playing with my feelings my love? r u happy to see me suffering for it..is this some kind of exposure coz i seriously fucking hate it!!!! i HATE IT!!!

    ONE MOMENT THE GUY COMES AND PLANT LOVE SEED IN MY HEART AND GOES AWAY WITH A GIRLFRIEND~~~  I MEAN HELLO!!!!!!!! its stressful i feel like crying...i dont seem to understand them..its always mixed emotions that im getting?!? why why why why why///god god god god god~```` this is insane and crazy and idiot..
      they talk to me and flirts or i dont know if thats their nature or something???? then the next thing is they get over me..WTH?!?!?  they think im their sister and i am a source of joke and MISS ADVICER!!! that listens to problem

     looks like my life is gonna be boring i wont have a tremendous love story like all in those novels and movies which corrupt girls mind like me. why is it so easy for others to love and hook up except me??? i have more advantage than them but then why??? all my friends have boyfriend..except me???? why oh gosh i am gonna concentrate on my studies now but this is also bothering me

why? what is so least about me?

why? why? why?

  he loves my friend..i meant S!!!!! he likes her...he likes her...my friend told me. He chatted with her for so long and he told he wants a girl like my friend! why..he said there are so many choices for his girlfriend. why is all guys jerk. and why he didnt like me...why am i always not an option for the guys for love but instead for advice,,,why!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!

        I feel so down... and he said he wants a girl if he ran out of cash..then he changed and said he wants a girl like my friend... :'( i feel so down. and a nut. I mean even my guy friend wonders why does guys dont like me? they think i am just a sense of humor who doesnt have any value is it?

     i tried by best looking presentable infront of him and very much looked and gave a good impression but all he does was aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhh he asked about is this d class for maths in a rude way!!!!!!!

After mock

Oh dear its been a tiring week and month. I think i screwed my mock like all 5 of it...im afraid i might fail all of it :/ die case to d max!!!!!!!!
        it ended with bio and now i am down with a soar throat and flu. Sucks to be sick. Im so drowsy right now after eating those medicines.

       My life pretty much is hectic and sucks!!!!! i mean mock ended n im down with a flu and my toes hurt bc i was wearing a slipper in college for 6 hours. I mean the slippers was the wrong one and it caused my toes skin to peel of...it hurts man on both legs!!!! and i m having my period now (PMS-ING) not a good time.

         i feel irritated with K, S and P!!!!
 K well sms me and im starting to get bored. And S likes my friend and its obvious during the test he wished her goodluck and wanted to sit near her. And the another K the one in my class. I found out he likes a girl in his class but dont know who?!? i thought it was me but then looking and judging from his body language i dont think so/ He seeems not interested. Whereas P is happily with his gf with their dp changing all the time. i couldnt see the gf because she created a new profile and didnt add me yet!! -.- such an ass!!!

           Well why does all the guys dont like me or seem interested in me???? i m approachable but sometimes i feel shy i mean the guy should take a step first before me. looks like my predictions is true i will get into an arranged marriage>- : why god why? i mean even a not so good looking girls could get a bf..but me??? why????

Busy bee!!!!

Dear blog,
its been awhile since i had blogged! so many things happened during these period. firstly is i finished my EE2 and my holiday ended like last week!!!! got back my papers AUSMAT SUNWAY!!!! and it sucked. i mean everyone dropped. i failed my psychology and my chemistry in the 40's haizzz sad :'(
    Miss Psychology was asking me what happened?!? even my bio was 60's maths miracle!! i PAssED with a 53 lol...the lecturers are advising all of us to buck up for mock as it is tougher!!!

     Gonna start serious now. i mean i am less on fb nowadays only through my handphone.so reason... P hooked up with K hmmm quite sad actually when he told me because i liked him. but somehow i dont feel the pain i mean i was hurt but it didnt put a lot of impact on me. i still stalk him on fb but yeah got to forget him...thank god he didnt post anything or any pleading to chat with me...so we r pretty much had cut our ties besides him liking my pic once but i m ignoring all his posts!! i think this is the best. my mum hates his mum so lets put it that way!
      Another thing is i m close to K not P's girlfriend..the guy with the same tuition! we text everyday. he is a really nice buddy but i hope it wont turned into love. i mean he is nice and such but appearance wise n he tells me he likes that gul n this gul so many of them!!! but he is nice la. so about S his grandma passed away...so i didnt really saw him in college for the past weeks. D chatted with me recently but yeah he like another girl i guess
       
 So yeah my life is miserable with all this guys!!! -_______- and my wace around the corner...arrggghhh stress right now i got to go back to my bio... she killed me with her homeworks :P

Guys are jerks!!!!

Dear blog,

  I am almost completing ausmat in sunway. Life is not that easy...my crush! guy pressure all over my head!!!

 i mean P is not for me. i accept because he is a jerk! he smokes n drink. so i thought D likes me.it turns out to be D is interested in another girl. So i met K he is nice texts me every single day!!! but he is my friend!!! then i found out he texts every girls omg!!!!!! what was i thinking...S my crush likes my bestfriend... what in the world is happening?!?

     all the guys i like or thought they are interested in me just loves someone else...(Y)
i know they say the time will come but helloooo u serious???? my fourtune teller told me that i was gonna get in an arranged marriage?!????????????? which is soooooo not cool!!!!

     Well perhaps i will stay single n die single ;( whateva la!!!! not interested now the time will come we will see!!!!
        

Why is it always the nice girls dont seem to get the guys?

Dear readers,
from the title itself u could probably guessed it!

why is it that the nice girls dont seem to get a guy?!? in fact all the guys go after them just to seek for advise.
To be honest, i am one of the nice girl. i m not bitchy n i m a bit sarcastic but why do guys dont seem to like me. I fall in love with my guyfriends but instead they just seek for my advise for the girl they like!!!!!!

   sometimes i feel that they are using me but the truth is i am nothing more than a friend!
I have friends. They are nice too but they have boyfriends...am i too intimidating?!?

   i dress nicely,classy, i speak approriately i dont really use vulgar words, i am friendly n when it comes to guys i talk to them nicely if they talk to me ofcourse. i m not a slut n obviously not a bitch but y????

     i notice when i was in tuition guys was afraid to talk to me. And i even overheard a comment from one of the guys saying that i am a nice girl!. n another friend of mine said i am innocent.. what the hell...looks like i will never meet my prince charming. No wonder my mum saw my jathagam ( fortune teller) it seems i will be involved in arrange marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i just hope that wont happen...like come on!!! arrange marriage in 2000's stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holiday!!!!

yes it is holiday!!!
 i had just completed my sem 2 test like yesterday!!!! n today i am basically doing nothing dont even know what to do...mum is busy she has this prayers going on...my sister is at school -___-

  so yeah i went on fb like yesterday. i was pretty excited bc i was gonna chat with P. I MEAN HE WILL START THE CHAT! i waited waited n waited but the problem was he didnt appear. instead he went on9 n of9 and on9 and off9!!!! so frustrating!!!

   i thought he wanted to avoid me or something but then today morning he liked my status! -___- i cant seem to understand this guys mind!!!! such an idiot!!!!!

     he seems really close with the girl he has crush on but what can i say i took him for granted.he flirt with me but i was no more than his friend facebook friend!!!!  to make things worst i dreamt of him!!!!!!

   the dream was so weird!!!!! extremely weird!!!!! like to d max..i dreamt of him prank calling me!!!!!! such an ass man!!! k i think i am so gonna bath!!! its getting late :D

Does he love me? Or am i just his friend?

Dear blog,
i have been extremely confused. P is really close to me these days. btw he asked for my number again coz i changed my old number! and i asked for his too. now he comments on everything that i post and likes all my status. comments on my pictures!!! and lately we chatted a lot he always uses <3 emoticon before i leave and he said i love u but i dont really know because i thought he was being friendly.

 The sad part was he told me he is in love with this other girl name K!!! i am so heartbroken. he talks to me chats with me everyday n asks for advise but then likes K!!!! i dont know whether he was serious at first because i told him i liked S!!!! Probabaly he wants to make me jealous! that was what i thought! until he was pretty serious about it!!!!!!!!!!

          K exist and worst i had a put on a good impression and worst i even asked him to propose to her!! i M A NUT!!!!!! i mean i want to see him happy after all he was my childhood friend who lost in touch and kept in touch bck after 14 years in fb!!!! crap!!!!!!!! this is annoying!!! K was really nice she is pretty not bad, hot to a certain extend + she goes clubbing on top of that yeah i guess she is probably flirtatious too!!! i dont know whether P likes me or her. He could like Me and Lust her OR!!!!!!!!!! i WAS NOTHING MORE THAN HIS FRIEND!!! but hello its just weird!!!!!!!! its like he connects with me all the time

 before this i thought that i will remain as his best friend but then it is all wothless because now he is confusing me and disturbing my feelings!!!!!

Its painful when the guy i like likes someone else

Dear blog,

  things have changed again. I cried yesterday night,listening to emotional sad heartbroken songs non stop repeating few of it. I deleted his contact. Deactivated my fb account. Its really painful when he said he likes another girl. I dont have the guts to tell him as i never met him after long years nearly 12 years. I was angry scolded my sisters and they forever scolding and laughing at me. They just dont understand what am i going through now. They think this as a joke. They said i was insane going for a guy like that smokes and sometimes drink. I guess they are right. He is no good for me.

In fact most of the guys are not interested in me. I can sense they like me they just dont seem to have the courage to come up to me. The guys that i dont like or wish to remain as friends like me while the hot ones and they guy i like doesnt seem to like me. ANd please do not say there are other fishes in the sea because the good ones are all taken away!!!!

    Life is complicated for me now. but i am going to move on and enjoy while i can. I am still in pain but its okay its part of it. It is not easy but i didnt say its impossible and most importantly i am gonna keep myself busy watch and sit back. Sometimes i just wished he never should have contacted me at all!!!! i could have just blocked him thats for sure!!!

today he said my name i corrected him about my name and said -.- then my sis said its better not to do that or else he will find out what the hell happened to me and he could sense it thats for sure. Because i did extreme things like deactivating my account and stuff!!!! he will know.sO I BRUSHED OUT THE FEELING AND SAID WHATS UP!!!! then he didnt reply until now. i saw him going 0n9 and when i am he goes 0ff9!!!

 shit i just hope he doesnt know..please and most vital i hope we dont bump into each other outside. all those hangout stuff is just a mere convo!!! i m not serious about it.I am just gonna try to avoid him but in a good way and polite manner so that he will not be suspicious at all or worst still!!!! he develop a feeling for me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its over. He doesnt love me does he?

dear blog,
i m in pain heartache! paining! agony. Yesterday i chatted with him on fb i mean P we started off nicely. Teasing about each other making fun + talking about our days laughing haha then he said he wants to hangout with me then he said wanted to come to my house see my mum lol he wants to buy a drink i said can. I was so strong that he liked me even more and truthfully i love him even more!!!

until he ask me this random question. Do u like any guy but u dont have the guts to tell?
and i was like shocked is he hinting me or something then i said nope and he said nope to than he said he hate love and i sad yes me too!!!!

then he said he too!!!! then i spilled out the bean i said i like this guy name S in my class but now no more! so he was like owhh and awww (i wanted to see his reaction) bc i knw S dont like me he likes my fren and its obvious. Its painful for me to see that too but then i love P more than S! S is nothing i dont even know him and btw there is no chance he is attracted to me :(

so yeah back to P then he spilled the bean he said he also likes this girl i guessed it much i actually thought he was hinting me but then he showed me the girls pic and i felt like crying.i was crying in the heart!! :'( truly i am and i was....!!!!!!!

     i thought and hoped he like me and love me all those sweet talks (darling) advice and teasing each other exchanging phone numbers even xoxo in messages!!!!!!!!!! i thought he liked me but noooooo he thinks i am his friend! childhood friend. i feel stupid blog i feel stupid to take him for granted i never experienced with guy and i thought he liked me i forgot S because of P!!!!!!!!!

why does the guy i like dont like me back but the guy i dont like likes me!!!!!! why no guys like me??? why??? i have the beauty i have the look and the personality good innocent okay maybe not too innocent...but why???

instead those big size girls and not so perfect gets the guys!!!! why???? u might say i m not outgoing but hello STFU!!!! u dont know me!!! i am friendly and classy and good. Are guys scared to talk to me...not all but yeah why??? do they think they can never make it to me????

Is P trying to make me jealous the way i made him jealous?!? he said he is going to prom with her!!! and they are getting to know each other and he is scared of her meaning learning her!!! and he is pretty confident that she likes him too :/
i thought thats it i got to avoid him. i changed my number! deleted his contact! and i deactivated my fb! i m gonna avoid...i cant take it,,its painful for me..i liked him i thought he did too but i was wrong...i can never seem to understand guys! i was juz his friend a good one chatting everyday sometime twice a day long hours. :'((((((((( i hate love

LOVE IS CRAP IT DOESNT EXIST EXCLUDING FAMILY AND FRIENDS
BUT BF N GF AND PARTNERS ARE STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT WANT LOVE

GOD Y IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME??? WHY?????? I THOUGHT HE LIKED ME OKAY PERHAPS THIS HAPPEN ON PURPOSE I WILL MOVE ON I WILL TRY TOO :( BY AVOIDING HIM ALWAYS..............................

Did i do the right thing...

DEAR BLOG,

          I feel blank again. its like everything seems wrong! I wore a really nice awesome outfit to college to impress S! i must admit i did look good lol...but the problem was before i came remember the late come in appearance? yeah so then my friend S( female) told me that S gang was making fun of him! so S said to my friend that when the time comes he will tell MY FRIEND!!!!!!!!

  what could this mean..i mean this means that he likes her!!!!!!!! S likes my friend!!!!!!! my crush likes my friend....i knew it my friend said it as she was smilling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but my friend has a boyfriend..hmm i feel dumb!

       so sad!!! all the guys dont go after me only after my friend..such a pain to me..* not all the guys but the truth is i am infact prettier than S...i knw i m being bitchy now but i cant deny my feeling!!!! my maid said perhaps he wants to tell MY FRIEND ABOUT ME!!!!!!! aaaaaarhhhhhhhhhh i wish but i dont know why i guess its not!!!! like what she said!!!! i cant even say hi to him i mean that means so weird...i cant..there is nothing to talk this is weird there is nothing to talk about..he will be with his gang!!!! and i with my own!!!

  i wish for it though but hmm i loose confidence he probably likes my friend..and i dont even have the guts to tell my friend that i have a crush on S!!!! she has better advantage they were in d same tsyn ,friends, same college nw, fb friends!!!!
i didnt even add him in fb and i didnt even dare to say hi only that pathetic smile that i gave him :'((((
i feel stupid like to the max!!!!!!!!!!!\
hmm i dont think he likes me!!!



on top of that P talked to me today!!!! he asked and we came to the topic of car..he asked what my parents drove!!!! and i told him the truth he was shocked like to the maximum!!!! he was like WOOOOAAAAAAH!!!! -_________- i didnt want to tell him coz i dont like to tell ppl i m rich :(
and so he was kinda sad i didnt tell him but he insisted and so knowing me i blurted out!!!!

i mean i trust him we were friends 12-13 years okay!!!!!! then he said i am glad to see ppl these days well to do..and then we were talking about his dream car!!! when he went offline and didnt reply my question :(

do you think he will talk to me? or be afraid cause i am a rich chick? and he feels down??? now i m seriously down!!!!

LOVE OR LUST?

dear blog,

i am confused as ever as always. People say follow my instinct and heart but they are themselves confused. I love P and also S. But at the same time i think i am using S its called infatuation/lust. i M using S as an excuse to overcome P. I love P i mean he smokes and drinks and a bit of ego..i mean stop smoking is not easy right? and he drinks when there are occasion i guess because its normal for teens to drink now ><

   S doesnt even make an effort to talk to me or even add me in facebook :( so that clearly shows he is not interested in me. He dont even want to talk to me! :( infact he has my friends number!!! but yeah i cant be angry bc my friend is d gedik type and of course she is in the same tsyn as them and of coz get along with guys well...tat is y i am jealous with her sometimes -_______-

I mean she is mean to me at times too :/ like not giving her hw!!!!! okay fine forget it..but P went for camp so he is not online only will be back on sunday!!!! bored a bit he dont have...i mean i cant possibly be with P he smokes + drinks+ my mum doesnt like him.. he is an engineer btw.

where else S is good as far as i can see friendly, ppl likes him, smart, + he wants to study medicine just like me..but durrr he is smart!!!!! i am not ..my maths suck okay...and my name was nicely shown on the LCD one of the lowest but i am not the lowest hellooo but thanks to the teacher..she stopped the data until my name so ppl think i m the lowest :((((((

okay i think i should go to bed,,,tired already 1 am!!!

confused

dear blog,
i think i start to miss him...oh dear how can i forget him.this is tough.he didnt cm online and i feel so lonely!!!!
 
s my friend asked me all those bio work..shit should have wrote on fb if i had finished it!!! crap!!!!!!
 everyone is basically asking me how to do!?!
its not like i dont want to help them but hello its my masterpiece of 12 hrs!!! :'(
 well surprising thing THE GUY I LIKE S friend added me N ....i said thanks for the add he liked the post and didnt comment anything...i was like okay so he is not friendly he likes my friend S!!!! Then i saw his post he deleted my comment!!!!!!!!!!! wtf..bugger.........i decided i not gonna talk to tat bugger in college oso..but ts not only my comment also his previous status he deleted! jackass to the max!!!

i feel insecured this days :(((((

Untittled for now...

Dear blog,
   i actually thought of writing today but screw it. I was looking forward today especially at night where P will chat with me until 1 in the morning. Normally when i am on fb he will also be there but now i am in fb but he is nowhere to be found. I think i feel empty and lonely without him despite just communicating through fb!!! i think i love him. But my sis said careful he smokes and drinks but i cant help it i mean i like him!!!!

 and he told me he didnt mean to smoke he is just stress. anyway i saw him posting about his status using i phone lol this means that he is not online!!!!!!! suck man i thought he can chat with me..

 he says daym.!!! what a day!!! i guess he must have gone to PD enjoying himself there!!! and this friday to 31 he is going to the camp!!!!!!!!!! arrrgghhh he wont be there!!!! on fb!!! shit!!!

      but look on the bright side i might not get distracted!!! i actually think i should avoid him..he chatted with me 2 days in a row and yesterday when ending the chat he said hugs and kisses !!!!!!!

        i think he likes me...but then...then....how can i change him to be a better person!!! and what if i am wrong what if he is a player!!!!!!!!!!! or he thinks me only as his friend since childhood!!!!!!! :((((((

    panicking to d max..well i will offline soon i think he is not here :'( kk bye

bye blog :(

Why is this happening to me?

Dear blog,

   Its so difficult for me to carry out my life. I need someone who i can share my feelings with! my bestfriend but they are all to busy + i dont think they wish to hear my stories..Truthfully i think i dont have a best friend!!!!!!!!! :( this saddens me! my sisters dont wish to hear my feelings. today P put on a status and i asked my sisters opinion n whether i should comment but they just said up to u!!!! and my youngest sis said you r being so flirty!!!!!!!!!! it feels so painful when she said that! they dont want to listen to my thought and life they dont even care. Whenever i said could u pls snap pics of me oso they dont want!

 scolding me like shit...what the damn fucking wrong is with them!!!! the laat time i commented and P commented was on thursday!!!! and now its sunday..........i feel bad extremely bad and worthless..my parents dont approve of him. I think its better for me to keep quiet but i cant help it :,( i seriously cant

    those movies about best friends are just shit!!!!!!!!! nothing in this world has ppl like tat...i have friends who r being bitches!!!!!!!!! it feels so down!!!!!!!! i feel lifeless and forever hidden in this purple scarf!!!!!!!

      i need to release this scarf! and expose myself but i just dont know how! my relationship with my sisters r getting bad! and worst we fight a lot since my holiday!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forbidden love

 Its clear to me now that i must forget P. Today we had a great time in parkson. Shopping! mum had so many vouchers to be used. After that, we had tea in Pizza hut. I lost my appetite i mean i told my maid i found out that there is this guy G remember the one i met in my cousins hs. okay then my mum suddenly came up with the topic of guys. She started with nowadays P disturbs u right? and i said how mum u knw? and she didnt replied. instead she said his mum is a bitch!!! his mum doesnt like my mum. At that very instance i know P is no good for me at all. I lost appetite! :( i know i am in pain because i love him. i couldnt even sleep. According to ppl i read in google it says its probably infatuation. I feel in pain. My love is forbidden i got to stop liking him going on facebook and stuff perhaps not going on fb for few days...i feel that u know i might juz be single forever lol haha...u might think i M a nut and my mum is overprotective but i understand..she probably had a bad past with his mum. But is it that bad? and worst of all i decided to draw lots and my heart asked to pick that paper but instead i picked another paper saying NO he is not yours! hmmm

             i should ignore him right? but how i really like him..but our love is forbidden and i dont know he probably does not think of me much like how i think of him...... probably he is a player and bad! i know u must say hey girl move on!!!!!!! but pls its always easier to say rather than experiencing yourself...

      probably he might chat with the girl who has the same name as me... Go hook up..i dont care (trying not to care) aaaaaarrrggghhh!!!

    this sucks!!!!!! why must he cm into my life. i should have blocked him on fb when he added me first!!!!! and my friend should have thought it is me!!!!!!!!! why god?!??!!!! is this a test for me? or are you asking for my help to change him or to give me love so that i can experience it?!? tats it!!! its all gonna change now..i wont reply and not much of message!!!or status on fb!!!!!! THIS LOVE IS FORBIDDEN AND WILL REMAIN!!!!!!!!! :'(((((((( i feel like crying omg i already am in my heart!!!!

I must control and stop this love! :'(

Greetings readers,
so many thing have changed for the past 2 days. P talked to me i mean comment via fb. Its really nice. On top of that all those guys who i didnt talk to added me and started to talk -___- its not like i hate it bt its just that i am not in the mood. Yesterday i was talking to this guy by the name of G..i met G in my cousins hs..and he completely forgot about it he dont rememba me at all!!!! bt screw it.then i had a notification P we should meet up..i was flattered and shock this means he really like me right??!???!???!??? i dont know or was it a friendly thing? OMG i was sweating + panicking n this is juz on the computer i havent meet him in person!

 anyway i knw tat will b impossible to meet him. what the hell am i gonna say to my parents i m meeting a friend?!? i mean they will investigate who i m going with name and they practically knws my friends are girls....no guy friends that i hang out with except 1 but that is a totally different story!!! on top of that my maid she will suspect.. she is good at it..my sis can keep a secret.i mean that is what sisters r for right?!?

        i like P i mean i think i m starting to develop feelings for him. i couldnt sleep worst i cant even sleep.his face n me are popping in my head most of the time! i must stop this feeling i m controlling it but i really cant..no wonder ppl say LOVE IS BLIND! so irritating my mum hates his mum n she thinks that P and his sis used to talk big of themselves last time. But i am stuck in the middle
 i liked it when his hair was that macho kinda hairstyle compared to now..he cut it short like to d max makes him look like a gangster! ishh hate this feeling
i think i m gonna keep quiet ..oh yeah i didnt continue...then my answer to him was i didnt have a car so i cannot meet him.. and he said he is also in the same situation. I dont know how true is that :/ probably he is just dissapointed bc i couldnt meet him but that is totally true i cant possibly meet him or else! i will be minced meat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i got to stop got to got to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i guess i m not gonna comment or say anything!!!!!

What is wrong with me? i hate love remember!!!

Greetings from the gul in d purple scarf :),

    I know something is wrong with me! really wrong ! i am trying to forget P! i tried i promise i even didnt go on fb for like a day!!!!! Nowadays i dont feel like sleeping. my mind says so but not my heart! :'( i think i have insomnia :( or i am in love..pls i listen to love songs until the early hrs in d morning..i think i am in love with P not S!!! my sis said i am only using S as an excuse to avoid P...

  i kinda agree with her in that point i dreamt of S with my friend !!!!! so u kinda got the picture.i am avoiding P but he is the one writing on my wall! :((((((((((((( and then we have a short convo and then he dissapears!!!!!! omg what is wrong with me :(((((((( i knw he dont want to make it so obvious but i really cant read him i cannot ready his mind n his heart..he is behind his screen durrr!!!!!!!

whats wrong with me..he is not good for me according to my maid..my sis supports..the only way to get rid of him is by hooking up with S!!! but how is that possible..we hardly talk and now i am in break another 1 week to go!!!!! and what if S has A girlfriend!!!! i got to forget P no matter what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pls forget him forget him

   he said he is in a heartbreak :( tat means??????!!!!!!//??@%^&(($%@&#^!(*@&!(@& omg i really dono what the crap am i doing right now..haizzz k bye gtg :(


i am obviously emoing right now :( @#$%^&()!

WHATS WRONG WITH HIM? OR IS IT JUST ME???

 i have got to confess i think i like P!!! I tried controlling it avoiding him but i just cant. always when i log in fb i expect him to reply and when he dont my heart is in pain! I feel sad and stressed out D:

   when he replies i feel over excited and when it is just a short convo i feel sad..

today he posted on my wall with sister...n i sad bro how r u?
and he said i am fine

(tats all!!!!!!!!!) and then no questions no reply no comment nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i seriously want to talk to him but its just that i dont know i cant i guess my mum hates him...n i think i have a crush on S..the only way to forget him is to get another bf?!?!? n my target is S but S likes me or not..he gave me that smile but he could be friendly tho :/

i got to forget him no matter what!!!!

emoing this days :(

Things have changed :/

Greetings readers,

  P changed. He is now bald (i didnt know he took it seriously) or perhaps he just want to be bald thats all! Well i have decided i am so gonna avoid him. Actually i started to avoid him because i feel that he is not the right guy he drinks beer at the age of 19! i mean who r u kidding? at the age of 19??? and i definitly will not want to show my parents this type of guy. So not decent the naughty type..! btw he probably started flirting with other girls! the girl which has the same name as me! but guess what i am starting to forget him tats it...i dont give a damn! but i like him a bit still :/

tats all i will want to say tats all for now. It is paining to see cause he also didnt talk to me at all like avoiding me to the maximum :( i feel sad at times okay basically most of the time :( guess i will always be the girl in the purple scarf always :(

CAUSE YOUR HOT AND COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WARM GREETINGS FROM THE GIRL IN THE PURPLE SCARF :)

 Well obviously i am either excited or emoing.Its both actually! :'(

Okay P posted on my wall.LAME AGAIN!!! he asked whether i knew this unknown guy.I mean i dont give a damn! i cant even remember P on top of that that guy!!! Then somehow the convo continued until he asked for my number!!!!! ;) yes i know..he asked then i gave and we exchanged numbers. sO I HAVE THIS STRONG FEELING THAT HE LIKES ME!!

it all stopped until the next morning. I couldnt sleep at all thinking of this. I slept at 2 okayyyyyyy..listening to my sis music!!! hindi +tamil love songs 2 songs repeating and repeating!i m in love i guess

  So the next morning he said he was sick and i said get well soon and he replied thanks darling.. i Was FLATTERED!!! until another girl wished and he said darlz too!!!!! omg i think i am overestimating!!!!!!!

 i was wrong!!! my sis told the truth.he calls every girl the same darling!!!!!!! i just found out. i was dissapointed and frustrated all the time :(((( so sad to the max!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Then after that we commented in d evening...the convo went on and i think i said haha and was sarcastic and he didnt replied until now!!!!!!!!!!! my sis said the convo was mean..but i dont think so..i mean i talk to girls like that what is the difference with guys??? i mean guys r also sarcastic..that is why i think he simply gave up talking to me!!! :( :( i dont care now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -_______________- i give up i m just gonna shut my mouth and gap!!!!!!!tats it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he keeps on changing his mind!!!
 you change ur mind like a gul changes clothes
u PMS like a ***** !!!!!!!!!!
n the lyric continues..this suits me to the max!!!!!!!
 well other than that..my teacher's son chatted with me..so weird!!! he does not talk to me at all other than facebook. i mean i hate to talk to him!!! after this random guy said i was staring at him..for heaven sake i was looking at the window not him!!!! but anyway he has a gf so not worried hahaha!!! he is good actually i guess better than P!!! *so emo right now* my love story is so complicated! no clue nothing!!!!!just shit and me stuck to solve the problem!!!!!!!!!!!! :( :( :(              
       
       i m sooo gonna try forget about P and other a**holes!!!!!!!!!!!!! tats it

sorry i m seriously emoing right now!!!!!!!! coz i think my sis r fed up of hearing to my stories.sometimes i feel like they r not hearing n i am talking to the wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! btw i m playing ashley tisdale song *its alright its okay* this song suit me to the max!!!!!!!!

 Love,
Gul in the purple scarf ;)

Confused about love!

Greetings from girl in the purple scarf :)

  I just checked P's profile today. He was having a conversation with the gul who has the same name with me. It was obvious the girl was flirting -___- and probably he too or normal i DONT KNOW!!! i seriously feel so scared that i might lose him :(

  But then, i seriously feel that he could be a jerk who flirts with the girls and a major player!!! i mean i dont know he could be a bad choice to me or even he just thinks that i am his friend. He started avoiding me these days like never even like the status and comment. I thought i was the only one person he did like that. But it turns out to be that he did the same towards the other girl who has the same name like me! it seems his reason was he didnt see her online. I mean what kind of LAME excuse is that???

        I feel dumb right now!!! then i showed my maid about the guy S that i had a crush with in maths class... well he is a hottie hot hottie!!!! like absolutely. The girls really like him but he seem nice, decent and smart too :) but he didnt speak to me in person. He knows my friend S too (female one) so he spoke to her and even have her number. I seriously envy this..so annoying!!!! but i understand cause they were friends before tuition mates!!! haizzz why is life so complicated to the max????

 S is nice but i really dont know much about him :( i dont know whether he has a girlfriend or not? i mean i dont know!!! perhaps he has...his whole gang has girlfriend how come he does not right? Unless he is seriously innocent! :'(

 I am so confused right now..Like no one likes me i mean the guys...they probably do but i dont knw. they are just not the type who fight for the girl. More like the give up type!!!! its not like in movies. In reality it is different shit!!!!!!!!! the guy flirt and the girl flirts and thats it they be together and break up and the cycle continues..
 I hate love thats all i would just wanna say... I mean take for example the girl that has almost the same name with me!!!!! she changes her boyfriend all the time...from all different races :(
  I feel emo now.. perhaps i should go for now!!! BYE :'( :( -_____-

Why is he avoiding me in facebook???!!!

  Greetings from girl in the purple scarf :'(

I m feeling so down these days. Dont really know what is wrong with me? what is wrong in my head.my heart is in pain.seriously pain. I have been listening to all those emo-ing hindi songs. Kyu phoolon ke and Ore piya.

Reason?
 Well of course..its because of P!!! Who else??? he avoids me NOWADAYS!!!! every status that i post in facebook he will definetly like it like non- stop. He doesnt really give a damn about me anymore. That day he chatted and we talked nicely. He even flirted with me in certain occasion like calling me darling twice. Lately, its been 2 days... he didnt even like anything my status or even comments!!! WHY? I stalked his profile like all the time...!!! ikr i m obsessed i hope not like seriously not! he always online but i dont know why he just avoids me.
I have been posting funny statussed almost 20 ppl liked it which never even happen in my life of facebook! but now he avoids me in facebook...absolute avoidance. And when i checked his profile wall. His friend comment was like she is sooo hot!!! :/ i dont even know who is that??? who??? could it be me? OR NOT!!! :'( Life sucks right now to the max!!
 i DONT EVEN KNOW WHO!!! THEN he avoids me like until now. BITCH!!! HE AVOIDS ME!!! HE FLIRTED WITH ME AND MOVED ON TO ANOTHER GIRL WHO IS MY FRIEND ALMOST SAME IN A WAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Bitch why are guys always like that. Playing with a girls feeling? whenever i am online he is then he goes offline! is he testing me or something?

He likes all my friends status which confirm that her status is sooo emoing (those angry ones)!!!!!!!! why?????????????????????? he such a major player!! i GUESS :( it feels so pain...and just a few seconds i went into fb and he is offline and so does my friend! really sad like to the max! he even changed his status from divorced into in a relationship! and so called my friend just broke up with her boyfriend ( well she always changes so picky) =.=

 I mean now i really like him and this is how he repays me! okay fine probably u will think move on let him go..oohh what the fuck! you wont understand if u are in my shoes!!! well perhaps i should! perhaps i will just say hi and see how it goes!!!

  maybe he wants to see i am gonna talk to him or not? or he doesnt like me anymore! like totalleh! :[
why is this happening...should i...talk to him or let it be..let him talk to me or see him progress??? i really have no idea..screw my life!! even my sister is experiencing this ignorance from friends syndrome!!! my sis and her friend except that hers is just friendship problem! mine is more personal and most important heart!!!

    maybe guys are just worthless for me, Ishould have just followed what my mum had said and everyone has been saying! i will never find my prince charming at all! like never! there is no such thing as prince charming on a horse cmg to sweep u off the feet *background music taylor swift love story* its more like *back to december*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 Well toodles from girl in the pirple scarf..screw him up!!!! bitch!!!!!!!

Love is in the air

Remember the childhood friend??? i actually thought he was a major playa!! but i feel that i am in love with him like to the max haha..love is really blind. Today i was on fb and guess what i didnt post any status as i thought he would reply and make it obvious that i liked him. I decided to give a break. Then suddenly p posted on my wall...!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :) :) :0 :) ;) ;) he was bored etc we commented like for 20 mins and i decided to go as i dont want to be too clingy and stuff :) i love him but what if he thinks i am his friend? and nothing more despite our parents correction my parents may not like him *does not like him!!!!!! but i really do love him :) i wanna him to be my boyfriend :( but i am so not sure what if he doesnt love me and accepts me as a friend Y is LIFE SO ComPLIcATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maths WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!

   My major problem is maths.I just dont know why i dont seem to understand it at all like to the max! My friend S is smart at it.Complain only but still could do. Today teacher gave back our paper (the first test for semester 2) -__________- i know i did not understand! i prayed hard to god but of course i know God Almighty did not help me. Is it me or why is God not helping me these days!!!! :'( i feel like crying. I feel so humiliated its like i am the lowest in my class for ausmat maths. Okay perhaps not lowest but weaaaker students in maths. I dont really blame Miss.S despite hating her teaching -.- but i feel that i just dont get the concept but actually we had done it before :( i feel so stupid. Can u imagine what would have happen if i fail maths and chem??? Thats it! my future dreams,hope and lot of stuff will be down the drain. I will bring disgrace to the family. I really regret it. So far my dad is thinking that i am okay in my studies and the spm marks was a mistake! Am i experiencing a bad 7 years? i feel dumb!!!!!!!!

  The guys in my maths class doesnt seem to show interest in me probably coz i am dumb! S is like smart and intelligent and loves chemistry. Before this i used to think that we have lots of stuff in common! but actually an absolute NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Test 4 is next week.Worst scenario it involves probabilty!!!!! distribution...1 thing is Miss S decided to reduce the weightage as she found that most of us did badly for the test -________- @_@
 so out of 5% i got 1.25% :((((((((((((((

       i seriously had no mood today! i went to pyramid ate Nandos with S and avoid this guy by the name of K cause he has a serious crush on S and S finds him annoying!!! S is really perfect everything in her hand...her boyfriend,whole guys going after her like the whole gang in maths class..1 of them are hot, excelling in studies ,loves chem, absolutely could enter doctor any uni ..whereas i feel so dumb!!!!!!!!!!! maybe i am jealous..but she is really a nice person!

THE VIBE!

Hi!
  Well yesterday i was so sad emoing much until the night where i post up a status. As soon as i posted up i straight closed my fb didnt want to b dissapointed until my sister told me that he replied!!!!!! YES P replied!!!! I was extremely happy!
    Absolutely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then we chatted commented..it took about 2 -3 hours. The time passed really fast. I think i really do like him but i dont really know about his feelings. I could feel the vibe that he likes me too or maybe just friendly.Why is life so complicated yet simple. SHIT!!!
  
  I probably really like him. But as i chatted i really find that he could be bossy and berlagak. Is it normal for guys to act like that? It is exactly what my mum had said. My mum always said that he, his sis used to talk big of themselves. There are kinda lot of common stuff between us actually...bUT let say if something happens can i change him or even resist him can i avoid him???? i dont know. I Prayed today i leave everything to god!!
I mean i really wanna feel what is it like to be in a relationship. But what if he doesnt like me? It is not easy to express our love to someone. But i really dont know!!!!!!! i am confused! so confused! what if he only wants a girlfriend and not love! what if he doesnt love me for who i really am but instead external factors such as wealth!!! i MEAN I have a feeling that he might know my house has a swimming pool and fish pond... U get the picture when someone knows this.i Dont really wanna tell ppl that i am silver spoon fed but in love is a different thing.what if he is a player and we oni know each other through fb apart frm our childhood times!!!
         
          right now i am confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -_____________-

EMO AGAIN

  Love sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is this happening to me??? why?? why??
  All this while i thought he liked me..he flirt with me by calling me darling :) i was so happy then extremely!!!!!!!
  i though this is it..this is the guy i liked!!!!!!! until he did not RESPOND TO ME!!! it started of with my status!!!!!!
   I was on facebook when i decided to copy paste a status! He commented and i too until i asked him didnt he have class.. and he said nope until october darling :) and my heart just beat fast and faster i think i love him...nope i really love him...he was my childhood friend for heaven sake!!!!!
        But then i decided to upload more of my pics and another status.He didnt comment or said anything instead he avoids me until now. I feel so stupid!!! checking facebook all the time with the excuse of listening to music. I am seriously not a facebook freak but because i like him i am now in order to check whether he responded to me or not!!!!!
    I dont want to do the first move..he should!!! i cant even star a convo based on his status bc his status is basically nothing much!!! i liked him n i thought he liked me too but instead he just avoids me now!!!!!!! i even tried googling why guys avoid girls after they flirt according to google guys have mood swing or perhaps he is a player! or he wants me to do the first move! but he really seems like a nice guy plus a bit of pervertness!!! :( he recently went to watch a movie when he posted pics of him with his friends and a poster of a women. They touched the boops and butt (i mean in the picture) lol. HE also started to chat with a girl with the almost same name as me but she has a boyfriend. I really am pretty but why cant i be involved in love. I am ready but why didnt he continue try talking to me? love? is crap!!!
     I told my maid except the part that he called me darling -___-  my maid told my mum and my mum said she doesnt want if i get married to him -___- she doesnt like his mum!!!!!!! but how i really do like him. i know probably u would think move on!! but its not easy! and probably u would say he is not interested in u !!! its such a pain thing

  Looks like my life is sooo purple...for a while i experience love and the next is like shit!!! FML (FUCK MY LIFE) :'( I M CRYING IN MY HEART NOW!!! :'( :'( :'( :'(

EE -________-

   HI BLOG....WE MEET AGAIN. THIS OBVIOUSLY MEAN I AM EMO-ING!!!!

    after a 1 week long break ( to be precise 9 days) i finally went back to college today. I actually though i will not get back my evaluation exam mark so soon as it just ended 1 week ago. But i was wrong!
   mr.oliver came in and gave back the results. I got 14%!!! it is good but as usual S kicked my ass -_____-
   i wAS NOT PISSED ...the weird part is we checked our semester 1 and everything i checked is 64/ 100 after counting everything and  S had 67/100 as far as she checked...but then we rechecked of course my mark is correct but hers was weird she suppose to get 65..even she agreed but she did not tell me directly :/ but ofcourse i did not complain or else the scene will be ugly
  moving on to bio  (; i managed to do preety well. mAYBE i suit to be a biologist compared to chemist -.- coz i really like it or maybe coz this is just the beginning :( well i managed to beat S :) but then i realised a very important value
 for chem we got back our result..it was horrible, horrific and puke whatever i failed the paper like really badly seriously badly... S got way higher than me. In fact she did preety well -.- like really well there are a difference of 6 % between us. So u can estimate it ;) but S advised me in a way like you should read meaning study :/ i studied its not like i dont but i didnt have enough time to complete half the paper :(
 i feel like crying my maths and chem is really bad. I should buck up to improve at least 1 so that i wont get a low atar and then cannot enter medicine..i m seriously freaking scared.

   well before chem i was with S as usual in the morning i undergo friend neglection by S -.- then...................... S 's friend a guy by the name of N came and hang out. its not like he said hi or even S introducing! but thats not the point.  he talked about girls and kutuk girls like shit! i just dont know why. he said he broke up with his gf bc he called her a bitch and he was a player at that time -.- this definitely impact on me. because i dont trust guys and i am afraid to start a relationship as i am afraid i might just choose the wrong one :(
anyway signing off gul in the purple scarf going back to her colourful world but and especially her herself is purple..happiness and gloomness and emo-ing and sadness anxiety at the same time..whatever emotion you name it ;)

Another purple day- jealous of my bestfriend :'(

Hi blog!

    it feels like heaven. No college yahoooo!!! 1 week break! i know it is not much but still i SEriOUSLY need a break from all the stress i have been through hw, assignments blah blah blah...but thats not the point!

     This few days striked me, it caused me in a dilemma of my bestfriend ( in the process since we just knew wach other since the beginning of ausmat so i assume we r besties know) -.-
    
       Lets put her name as S..hahaha S is a malayalee and she is a really nice sweet girl. there are a lot of common stuff between us. Our ambition, cousin problems hehehe, personality spm results :( and almost forgot our schedule. So basically she and me are always together since all...i REPEAT ALL!!! our class is the same. I thougth everything was fine infact she was better than my previous few besties..until i feel now.

    Well recently she told me she hooked up with this guy.. well that is not the matter! Then she activated her fb account and most of the students who didnt add me before added her including the guy that i thought liked me before!!! i know this may sound stupid but i think i am jealous of her. She beats me in grades and she has a lot of friends who always posts imy on her wall and such... and the guy who is in the same eng class as me added her and started to communicate with her through fb!!!
     
    i screwed up my semester 1 especially maths! i was so frustrated and dissapointed when i checked my marks on black board! i got 27 % and she got 42% i was pissed off....i dont know i tried controlling feeling and sometimes i feel i am the villain and being an underdog for her. i was so angry all my maths investigation i got so low and she got so high... i even told her i did not know how to do as it was very tough and so she also said the same thing...and then it turns out to be she completed it and i unfinished. I borrowed her paper during eng as it was a bit free period..n she only let me to copy 1 fucking question and took the paper away with the excuse of she dont know how to do 2 minor part question..maybe i am not the villain after all!!!
     
   And when i complain about my marks she consoles me and she even checked my marks on the blackboard based on my birthday date...she did not tell me directly but i know it when she told she checked for my other friends!!! and the guy that i am interested to be friend with just does not seem to be attracted at all..i went googling for same situation..and the advise i got was you should socialize / flash a smile/ talk to your friend let her knw how you feel -.- but that is so not easy to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
          the guy is stuck up for a reason...i tried socializing but he instead focusses on S and dont even say a hi to me...i feel so dead bc of S i am dreading to go college and sick of her beating my ass of in every subject.. i feel neglected by few of them. I am friendly and infact both of us are preety...i am stylish and always up to date and S dresses more simple and has a sweet look and yet she attracts more guys and other ppl including lecturers!!!!!!
         even my lecturers calls my group as S by her name.... -______-  
      and also when i arrive she is no more in the canteen she hangout with her friends in student centre...dont even give a damn to me...i know she was an interactor, prefect, top blah blah blah but i dont like her attitude sometimes or maybe coz i am jealous like my sis said...

         i gotta stop comparing myself in terms of beauty, intelligence, attraction, popularity...but i cant and i dont want our friendship to be affected!!!!
    i know those who read this ( if there are???) may feel that i am a very envious person/ full of jelousy / hatred/ egoistic blah blah blah idc and i dont give a damn coz right now i am in a serious dillema i feel like running away frm her...avoid her..but without her i will not have any1 ever!!!!!!! maybe being alone is good...they always say i am a loner...and the believe that 5 attracts ppl are just shit!!!!!!!!

AUSMAT SUNWAY UNI AND ME

 SORRY blog its been awhile i have not been blogging.Life is pretty hectic these days..correction: very hectic and sucks...well enrolled in ausmat already nearly finishing semester 1 next wee is EE and yeah u must be wondering WTH is this gul doing here since she has EE next week!!!!!!! i dont give it a fucking damn!!!!!!!!
    
    i am fucking stressed up right now...before spm its all with the huhu-haha that okay i promise i will study hard excel blah blah blah. Now its all down the drain. I love college but sometimes dreading it :'( i feel like crying sometimes i even cried already. Life is so tough actually i dont blame god.He created us and we as humans make it complicated. For eg all this ATAR and medicine and stuff. I thought ausmat was the only pre-u like that but A-LEVEL IS ALMOST THE SAME. but they have less test of course compared to mine. everyweek without fail!!!! i am so tired and helpless at times.

     Worst part is my friend Sonia is freaking smart...she is seriously smart *envy*...she has bf and stuff and fiddling with her hp all the time (I HATE IT) and she scores really high.i FEEL SO DUMB at times. fIRST I got the high marks then she...maybe i am jealous type but of course i dont show it!!!!!!!!!

        Did my chem today test 2 stochiometry...fucking hard okay i know i gotta stop using the f word...cencor..haizzz its seriously tough for me..i couldnt do most of it to be precise all of it...i just wanna prove to ppl to sonia that i oso can do it seriously by getting high marks. i JUST dont know why i study but i flunk chem was an exception i didnt understand what miss.d is teaching!!!!!! bc the class is the last1 and every1 is basically drowsy already...very few of them pay attention.THats the part i dont get it most of them dont pay attention and can still excell in it especially in maths class..miss s haizzz life sucks at the moment
        
      sometimes i feel like just giving up and getting married to a handsome rich guy just like fairytale but now in a modern world its not easy...happiness is just not there for eg: my mum okay dont want to go to specific on that..she is happy but at times she is not. My dad is too busy with his work and he spends less time with us not even a photograph recently. The last time was when i was 10 years old. AND that photoghraph was used as a school project -.- well i am praying so that i get 6% above...if miss d finds out i am dead seriously..to the max...she is gonna pay extra attention and i hate that..and i hate loosing to sonia all the time..(theory if relative deprivation)
      
        i m praying so that i do good in EE and knock those asses down...i m afraid i get a low atar then bye2 medicine...my dad will explode and be so dissapointed i need to get 80% above :'( i am a good girl but why i still dont get important stuff in life compared to those who commit sins or immoral..i dont mean that i am 100% pure innocent...but to a certain extend yes i am
       
        so long blog i think i expressed myself enough and now its time to practise my forum...life goes again..my wish is that i no need to work but instead travel everyday hahaha but i doubt that..lifeless much ;)

Life After SPM :'(

its been a month already since i received my spm result,I was expecting high but didnt get through.i did badly infact! 5A n 4 B...I KNOW SMART ASSES WILL SAY THAT ITS BAD...others okay or said u did well or maybe they r comforting me...it started in a bright mysterious morning where most of them couldnt sleep well excluding me.i guess i was too tired of college and stuff just joined about 2 days sunway university...so i slept...as i went to the school.i was one of the early birds just waiting for it to arrive and i thought i will come out hug my mum with tears of joy...my mum and dad was so confident i was gonna get 9 A's ...they always said that and maybe i was confident hoping for a miracle to happen in add maths chem bio physics...i thought that was all to enter medicine field....but that was my weakest subs...i was good at the other 5 A's ....so every one gathered at the assunta Art Gallery and i couldnt believe it everyone was rushing to take it...there was pictures before the results and i put on a smile with my heart thudding loud...and when teacher distributed.........
    
    most of them was unhappy except i heard 2-3 girls screaming from my class which was surprising coz my class is the top class in assunta! we could hear and see the sc 2's screaming almost everyone...and as usual i got to wait long time bc my name is the last on the list!!!! so as soon as i saw my friend K she got 8A and 2 B which freaked me out..and then mine...i was shock distraught and speechless i got B for the weaker subs and 2A+ 1A and 3 A- all i thought at that very moment was my parents face
  I saw my aunt and she sew mine first -.- then it was time to face my mum who was waiting down...on my way i saw my friend V showing her results and she saw me and mentioned my name but i didnt reply or respong instead walked to my mum..
   My mum was flashing those 100 megawatts smile with flickering lights...i told her i got 5 A and 4 B i saw her dissapointed but she didnt show me...and i think she is happy for me...but that didnt concern me...it was more to my dad who will scream and drag it for another 2 years!!!!!!!! i cried on the spot..i embarassed myself...my mum called my dad and informed him he just said 'ok'!!! i guessed he said that bc he was with his customer!!!! and he called again and said i didnt study well enough!!!! WTF I STUDIED LIKE NO ONE'S BUSINESS...my teacher called and was shocked...every1 they thought like that too...but ppl were saying that this year they purposely did that so that many of us wont obtained straight A's in order to obtain the scholarship! something fishy i guess...i even loss faith in god for a while bc i was so angry with myself ...i felt like dying but i managed to overcome all that...anyway i m checking my paper...i just give up and hopes for another 2-3 A's to help!!!!! not for me but my parents sake

uni soon

i am gonna start university soon...hurray + scary + shy + angry.....lol angry cause my freedom for 3 months are gone...so i am starting on the 21st march...yeah march intake ( lot to catch up but i dont give it a damn...lol) so sunway ausmat...the problem is finding for friends...so far i heard sunway is full of chinese..not to be racist here but i was hoping for more indians as i am more comfortable with them...i hope i get good friends.
      I DONT MIND IF THEY ARE GUYS but still hoping for girls...popular type maybe :p so my emotions are so mixed right now. one side spm result other side uni...its killing me into pieces...tearing me apart...i am praying to god so that i get 9 A's and atleast 5 A+ its the best for me as i dont want to see my parents so dissapointed...my mum my dad....me...my sis...my maid...lol....its on the 23rd....i cant explain my feelings. i need to hunt for friends in college...i hope i can suit myself...i am always hoping not for me to start the convo first. probably a girl talk to me and we become friends sit together in class and our geng becomes bigger and bigger
    i hope i can suit myself in sunway...pls..pls..pls lord help me...so far i have been hearing my friends end up in taylors/help i also had friends in sunway but they take a different course...suck
       
but this is part of life and ausmat is a short course and i will be going to either imu or monash with flying colours in ausmat (hopefully) study study and study...that reminds me i need raisins...hahahaha

  it feels so good to write in the blog..i can express myself relieve that part of my burden and feeling is less hahahaha....so toodles from the gul in the purple scarf..........:) i will write soon wish me luck and pray for me for my spm result due in 4 more days.......sssssssssssssssooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!

i m in love( literary)

okay i m in love with siva kaneswaran...the wanted band!!!!!!!!!! so in love...he is freaking hot.....so forget about colin morgan maybe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is freaking hot to the power of infinity...hahahahaha...but i knw its not exactly true love..probably lust........eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww.......okay so he is in ireland...i was planning to go there...something in common finally other than he has relative in Malaysia......!!!!!!!! but stilll i luurrrrrrrrrvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeee him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!