Its painful when the guy i like likes someone else

Dear blog,

  things have changed again. I cried yesterday night,listening to emotional sad heartbroken songs non stop repeating few of it. I deleted his contact. Deactivated my fb account. Its really painful when he said he likes another girl. I dont have the guts to tell him as i never met him after long years nearly 12 years. I was angry scolded my sisters and they forever scolding and laughing at me. They just dont understand what am i going through now. They think this as a joke. They said i was insane going for a guy like that smokes and sometimes drink. I guess they are right. He is no good for me.

In fact most of the guys are not interested in me. I can sense they like me they just dont seem to have the courage to come up to me. The guys that i dont like or wish to remain as friends like me while the hot ones and they guy i like doesnt seem to like me. ANd please do not say there are other fishes in the sea because the good ones are all taken away!!!!

    Life is complicated for me now. but i am going to move on and enjoy while i can. I am still in pain but its okay its part of it. It is not easy but i didnt say its impossible and most importantly i am gonna keep myself busy watch and sit back. Sometimes i just wished he never should have contacted me at all!!!! i could have just blocked him thats for sure!!!

today he said my name i corrected him about my name and said -.- then my sis said its better not to do that or else he will find out what the hell happened to me and he could sense it thats for sure. Because i did extreme things like deactivating my account and stuff!!!! he will know.sO I BRUSHED OUT THE FEELING AND SAID WHATS UP!!!! then he didnt reply until now. i saw him going 0n9 and when i am he goes 0ff9!!!

 shit i just hope he doesnt know..please and most vital i hope we dont bump into each other outside. all those hangout stuff is just a mere convo!!! i m not serious about it.I am just gonna try to avoid him but in a good way and polite manner so that he will not be suspicious at all or worst still!!!! he develop a feeling for me!!!!!!!!!!!!